Now if only my rabbi had this training. His stint on To Catch a Predator would have been very, very different.

[Thanks, Paul!]

The following are dramatic readings, based on posts by real fundamentalists discussing atheism on webforums.

[Thanks Dan Kim!]

What could be funnier than old jews telling jokes? Nothing, that’s what.

[Thanks DK!]

I was seriously considering naming this post “How I know 2009 will be an incredible year.” Why? Well, I finally re-found the video below. It’s one of my favorites, purely because of the weirdness of 1:08, but the lyrics help. “When I was made in secret”? Really? Weird.

If you want more info about this dude, click here.

Anyway, I saw it years ago (Maybe 3 or 4 years ago?), and have recently been trying to find it again. Every couple months I’ll spend a solid 15-30 minutes googling, then I’d get tired and pissed off. My issue was that I thought there was a puppet involved with that weird voice. Nope, just a weird mulleted man. Anyway, I can only thank Google and the following words for helping me find this gem: fat christian singing high voice.

I wasn’t meant to find it in ‘08. I see that now. 2009’s gonna be a GREAT year.

EXCITED UPDATE: Apparently Lil Markie was a character, an unborn fetus who was aborted! How do I know? His LIVE JOURNAL from ‘04!!! You read that right. Livejournal. Old school. Anyway, hate to ruin the surprise, but the journal ends with “Today my mother killed me.” AMAZING! Way to break the fourth wall, Markie. If we wanted to believe that Lil Markie could be blogging, it should have ended with “My mom just said ‘I’m on the way to the abortion clinic.’”

EXCITED UPDATE #2: Read the comments on the Livejournal. Amazing. Here’s a good example: “Wait, where is the rest of the journal? I want to read the entries from this point forward, where Lil’ Markie descends into the underworld, teams up with other aborted fetuses, and starts Ghost Fetus Fighting Squad to battle against the Many-Tentacled Abortion Feind [sic]“. [Thanks, Matt, for pointing that out]

Well, I dono. I guess personally, as a jew, Jesus is just alright with me. But to the band SonSeed? Yea, he’s totally their friend.

To all fans of Jesus: these are the people he associates himself with. Think about that. Just sayin

[Thanks, Pavone]